So my mother was here visiting for the weekend which was both wonderful and highly stressful. My mother is one of my best friends, and though our relationship can be a bit (ha!) dysfunctional, overall we get along rather well and at times we actually seem to share a brain. The thing about my mother (grandma,) is that for my son, it means that it's time to act like an unruly, ill mannered, disrespectful, spoiled little brat. Which is exactly what he did for the majority of the weekend visit. Top that with the passive aggressive "woe is me" attitude that my mother, bless her heart, can sometimes have and we've got one exhausted me.
And did I mention I'm working on writing a midterm paper? Right. Not a lot was accomplished this weekend in the way of paper writing. But that's alright. I'm learning how to balance school and family all over again. I did it once when I first went back to community college at Golden West in Huntington Beach. The difference of course, was that in HB I had friends and family all around me, and I was juggling a full time job on top of being a single mom with a full class load. The balance there was different. It had more to do with getting the help I needed to just get through the long days and nights, where as here, in a town hundreds of miles from family, the balancing act involves finding the time & making room. Instead of needing them for tangible things, I don't really need them at all. I still love them and want them around, it's just not quite so need based.
Moving to Berkeley has allowed me to see how much more functional I am when I'm a little further away from the nest, so to speak. I don't fall back into the same codependent routines that I was raised watching. I don't feel like I have to do things any certain way to make other people happy, and in that I am able to do things in ways that allow me to be happier.
But I will miss my mom. Being able to show her around the Cal campus was quite amazing. She's never looked so proud. This is all new for us. This school business. The idea of my graduating and going on to do something that I love instead of something that I have no choice in, well... it's awesome.
But what am I doing here... I still have that paper to finish!
1 comment:
Good luck on the paper (not like you 'll need it, because hard work is better than luck!). Your accomplishments that you detail here are really awesome. My husband and I are kind of vicariously proud? Like, I know you don't know *us*, but we are sure rooting for you up here in Sacramento. You've also given my husband yet another cause--he's in politics, and swears now that if he ever has the chance to do so, he's going to really try to push for support service for re-entry students.
Michelle
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