If all goes well... I will be starting my last year at Berkeley in just a couple months. Is this a joke? Is this for real? What the hell is happening???
I'm currently in summer school. I'm without my son. I'm alone in my apartment, which finally feels like home, and for the first time in over a decade home means just me and my things. My homework. My reading assignments. My friends, that qualify as my new family. My open space. My space that is empty in ways that I could not have defined prior to my coming here.
I owe so many of you so much. I don't even know how to express what I feel when I think of what it took to get me here, to this point, so close to the finish line, so close to being able to never look back.
And still... there are these remnants of me. The me that dropped out of high school. The me that got caught up in a life that I will never forget. The me that will always know what it's like to come down, to be high, to feel as though all hope is lost. That me. The one that clawed her way out. The me that thinks "theory" of things like loss and love and hate and classism and racism and sexism and all of the other "isms" is just a pile of shit. How can I sit in these classes that try to theorize shit I've lived through?
I try to just find the balance. I'm sure I'm not alone. Clearly I'm not alone. I just feel like we all need to take a deep breath and a long nap.
I mean really, do you have a better suggestion...?
1 comment:
I think that you are amazing and you are exactly where you deserve to be right now. Yes, you have overcome, I am sure because you had a vision, a dream, and you worked to make that dream reality. So, here you are... about to have a degree from Cal and endless possibility, because you are a survivor. There is no other experience more special than a lived one, so you remember that when you here your life being theorized in class!! =)
Love you.
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