Leopard print

It's like this pseudo jungle. I built it for myself out of one night stands and failed attempts at being exceptional. I've noticed that I must be doing this wrong because I hit enter to try to get line breaks and it all just looks like one big chuck of writing when I post it. I fail at some things in life. I think we all do, but I'm willing to admit it. I think many are not able to do that. Like for example, this one space after the end of a sentence thing is hard for me and even though I know that I should be doing something else to make my line breaks show up, I will probably just keep doing it this way. I will probably end up with two spaces after each sentence end that I intended to be a line break. Or maybe not. Who knows. It's after 3am and I should probably be sleeping, but since I don't have to work I am totally unconcerned about that fact. So I will sleep in. Most of the day probably and that's totally acceptable to me. My son is a teenager now so he is also still awake, because he doesn't have school in the morning so why should I impose some bullshit sleep time on him? I do hate to be a hypocrite. So he is up and I am up and we will both sleep in and then when I go back to work and he goes back to school we will both shut it down at normal people hours. I have discovered, as a parent, that treating him like a human being has been the most effective way to get him to also treat me as a human being. He's a kind person. It's lovely to watch. I said I was going to write here at least once a week. This is what you get for tonight. I just hit "preview" and there were no line breaks, and not even the two space thing happened. I have to learn how to make that happen. No one reads large blocks of text anymore. Twitter dumbed everyone down to just a few lines. I get it.

Ponytails

I don't know. This title probably doesn't mean anything. I took a walk around the city today during work. I noticed all these little things. Things that people probably don't usually notice, or at least I don't imagine that they notice them. Like when the wind is blowing a little bit, the leaves on the ground move around like they are slithering, like they are crawling, like they are making a great escape, like they are trying not to be stepped on. Some of them though? They seem more like they ARE trying to be stepped on. Little suicidal leaves with a death wish. Maybe they know that the world is supposed to end tomorrow. Or maybe they are among those who instead think that tomorrow marks the beginning of a shift in consciousness. We won't ever know. Not until someone discovers a way to speak to leaves, and to understand their language and intentions. Then it was wine o'clock. In the office. One of the execs is leaving. I'm trying to start using only one space after each sentence. It's difficult. We get so trained to do things a certain way, so conditioned to do the right thing (or at least what we believe to be the right thing.) Shifting is hard. And I feel like there is a lot of shifting going on. In my own life, in my son's life. In the lives of my friends, my family, my colleagues. We are constantly re-imagining ourselves and the world around us. I have a weird fascination with ponytails. The way that we can get so attached to something as bizarre as the hair that grows out of our skulls. Dead already by the time we see it. Yet we keep it there, wash it, and touch it, and take really good care of it. Most of the time. Yet we so rarely take care of each other. We should take better care of each other.

Don't bother me, I'm writing.

A friend of mine commented the other day to just write one thing every day, even if it's just a sentence. So in light of that, I am writing one thing here. It's more than one sentence, because how can one only write just one sentence? I want for us to be more real, more authentic in our interactions with one another. Not like, me & you as some anonymous reader (as though anyone reads this!) Rather, us, as humans. Let's hug more. Talk about our feelings more. Share more, and touch each others' motivation for existing. Let's do that.

3-4 Hours per night

Dear people of the internet, Every night I say to myself, and often I say it to whomever I am chatting/talking/hanging out with... "I ABSOLUTELY HAVE to get to bed before 2am." This is usually around 10 or 11pm. Then I isolate, get in my head, and start writing something, or reading something, or doing something completely useless on the internets. Then, before I know it, it's almost 2am again. 3-4 hours of sleep per night. That's what I usually function on. Usually I take extra long naps on the weekends to make up for it, but lately I haven't been able to do that because of the THINGS and STUFF that I've been doing. 3-4 hours of sleep. It's not much. Not enough, that's for sure. And so, here we are, and it is exactly 1:25am as I write this. I will get maybe 3-4 hours of sleep tonight. The thing is... it's sort of ok. Because I'm happy. I really am. It's strange. Happiness. It's a bizarre concept. I'm learning to work with it. To welcome it. To appreciate it for what it is. No judgement.

I suppose this is a space for writing

Writing. It's this thing that I once did for fun. Then I did it for school. Recently I've been doing a bit of it for work. What's missing is the fun part. When I started writing here I was all excited, hopeful, ready for anything! I am now working in mental health. I don't even do the really hard work with people, just research, and it's exhausting, I have to say. We are working on a couple of projects now that will attempt to bring better, more person-centered care to those who have literally been left in the gutter to rot. That however, is not why I'm here. I'm here to talk about writing. About how important it is to use your words. My son is about to turn 14. How insane is that? He asked me what he could possibly get me for xmas and I said "dude, write something for me." Simple! And it should be simple. Words bring us together, allow us to understand little pieces of one another that would otherwise go unnoticed. It's important that we see those glimpses. It's imperative. We need one another. Let's do this man.

Working mama...

So the opening night of this exhibit of the history of the agency I work for is tomorrow night. This means that I will be working well into the evening. No complaints though! I can't wait to see the exhibit and I'm sure it will be super awesome. This week has been total insanity (like every other work week) and I just get so excited about working for such a neat place.

Our big event Tuesday went really, super well and there were only 4 of us that made it happen. It was a far bigger success than any of us planned on it being and the feedback we got was amazing. Even though I play a very small, insignificant role in what my division is doing, just being a part of it and really feeling appreciated for the role I do play is really rewarding.

It feels weird to type that kind of thing. I'm in such a different space than I've ever been before. This job is really important to me, not just because I have a regular paycheck, but because I totally believe in what is being done here and it's so different than what I'm used to feeling about a job. Today I was asked to write an article about one of the programs that we have been running - our simulated evaluations (part of which was recently discussed and filmed for a short clip on PBS) and I feel like this is another opportunity for me to show them what I am capable of. I am being paid to write an article about something that will be published! It's like I'm a little baby journalist!

I still do mundane things like order food and sometimes make coffee and copies, but it's in a fun "event planner" way instead of an "office bitch" kind of way. The difference is really significant for someone that has been "office bitch" before.

Ok. I have to find something to wear for tomorrow, oh and sleep more than 5 hours. Meep.

Times are changing man...

Well I just realized that it's been quite some time since I let my four avid followers know what was up in the life of Nico. So here's the scoop:

You all know that I graduated in May, moved, sent my son to DC, and was horribly unemployed for months on end with not an interview in sight. Things were looking mighty gloomy.

Well in December that all changed. I somehow was able to land a job in the research division of the most amazing non-profit social service agency in San Francisco and have since been caught up in a whirlwind of busy work days, long commutes to the city, and the most fulfilling job I've ever had. I'm thrilled! I'm about to finish my first month and I have to tell you - anyone that says you can't get a job with a BA in anthropology is WRONG! That or I'm the luckiest girl ever. My degree is completely relevant to my new job and it's so exciting to be a cog in a machine that is working to do good things. Everyone I work for and with is lovely and kind and passionate about the work being done at the agency. It makes getting up early a little easier to do. I don't want to name any names, but the place I am working for has been around since the late 1800s and is quite possibly one of the first social service agencies in SF. I adore what I do, I adore what the company does, and I couldn't be happier with the way things turned out.

So a big huge THANK YOU!!! to everyone that helped me get here, both emotionally and financially. Since I work for a non-profit social service agency, the money isn't the best, but being able to go to work and be proud of what I do is more than enough compensation for that.

So there you have it! I am well, the kiddo is well. Things are good :)